When someone expects me to blindly stride into a childish trap and, electrocute myself.
You know who else is underrated? Owl City. This introverted guy who wrote a bunch of songs on his computer in his parents basement. With lyrics like “reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn’t wanna live there” and “please take a long hard look through your textbook, cause I’m history” and he tweets stuff like “got groceries. Enough social interaction for the week” and “girl I ain’t no astronaut, but I need a little space” and I love owl city
Ah. Crap. Peace of mind and soul, and yet, I’m terrified. Gaaaddammn it. Oh well. What’s done is done, I guess.
Sitting in this park, wishing I had a cigarette. Fuck. A cigarette would do me wonders. Very minor ones, but wonders nonetheless.
Mulling over thoughts in my head, mostly about you, and how I don’t deserve, nor have the right, nor the balls, to have you in my life again. I’m sifting through my stupid little brain, trying to understand why I keep trying to substitute you with temporary passions, well aware of the fact it is and always has been you.
I remember why I don’t enjoy sobriety, yet why I am trying to maintain it.
As much as I despise me cowardice, decisions and fledgling emotions, I want to push through it, for many reasons, but mainly, so I can be a reliable, decent human being. For yours and my sake.
I know you don’t need me, and never will, because I think you are, and see you as strong. And I won’t admit that I need you, except over a social media that I know you’ll never see, because I am trying to be strong too.
And I am not sure how to even say or express it properly, because I feel that regardless of the words I say or write, to you they mean little more than nothing without action. That, and explaining how I feel about this isn’t something I can even express through words alone. But without a doubt, I genuinely, wholeheartedly, adore and love you with every little inch of my being. Kinda how Naruto loves Sasuke, or Percy Jackson loves Annabeth so much that he fell into Tartarus with her, or how Serene and Ambrogio did, et cetera. If anything, I want to apologize for not saying this to you aloud yet, but I haven’t been certain as to how I want to go about it, even though I know you already know and understand.
I know you don’t feel the same, or rather, I assume you don’t. Because you’re smart. And there are millions of other guys who deserve someone like you, well, maybe hundreds. Plus I’m almost one hundred percent that you have moved on.
I apologize if this sounds like a pity party, because it is, kinda. But I’m just trying to be honest. When I see you, I’ll try to get over the lack of the ability to speak and tell you face to face, but for now, I’ll live my life, you live yours, and I hope we can make up someday.
The first. What the fuck?
The second, this GED test got a nigga quaking in his boots.
The third, I made myself feel temporarily good by buying a tye dye shirt with a derpy shark on it.